fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
