So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
