I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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