yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
