Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
