I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
