**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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