it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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