Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
