I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
