I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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