I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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