Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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