you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
