I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
