Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
