i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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