I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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