He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
