That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize