...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
