I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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