discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
