Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
