i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
