goodnight i made you a song goodbye
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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