i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
