Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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