Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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