Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize