We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
