So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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