does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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