Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
