my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
