just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
