with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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