I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me I should be a condom model.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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