Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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