Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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