I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
