Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
