it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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