so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize