thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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