my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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