You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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