When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
