he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize