You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
