Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
