So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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