i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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