8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
