I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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