I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
