I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
