you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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