He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
