How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
