I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
