Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
