Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
