I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
