...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
