I didn't shave. On purpose
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
