Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
