Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
