Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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