You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
