My underwear smells like fireworks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
